No one takes Daddy Doms seriously anymore
by strawberrymelk
Summary: All of my friends are either queer or weaboos. This is friendfiction.
1. Chapter 1: Choking on Robot Dong

**ADAM'S BIZARRE ADVENTURE**

**aka annie is god**

One gay ass day, Adam the gigantic homosexual was laying around wanting to SUCK BIG DICK. It was quite a dilemma for Adam. Where was he gonna find dick to suck at this hour in the morning? He decided to contact his good friend Milk-chan for a solution.

Brrrring. Brrring.

"Hello?" The robot, Milk-chan, answered into the phone.

"Yes this is Pizza Hut calling to see about your order to have your cock sucked. Love them dongs. Love to suck big ol' dongs" Adam replied, stifling gay snickers.

"Ah, yes. I asked for that about 2 hours ago after thinking about how gay I am and you hung up. I never got an answer back. What ever happened to that pizza flavoured blowjob anyway?" Milk-chan replied with a bonerbonerbonerboner.

"Holy shit I was kidding, what the fuck, Milk?" Adam sounded shocked.

"Oh. Adam.." Milk sounded disappointed.

"The offer is still open if you want to fuck my mouth, though." Adam replied sensually into the phone.

"So, can you do that for me? Really?" Milk said breathily into the receiver.

"Yeah I'm gonna suck that cock. Mmm." Adam moaned into the phone inappropriately.

"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING, MILK" Annie barged into the room in a sexy nightgown and silk robe, taking the phone from Milk's metallic hands.

"Who is this?" Annie said into the receiver angrily.

"It's Adam...from Pizza Hut.." Milk tried to interrupt.

"What are you wearing, ADAM FROM PIZZA HUT?" Annie said sardonically.

"Uh...a bad dragon cocksheathe?" Adam casually, if not cautiously, replied to the SUDDEN WOMAN on the phone that he is hearing right at the moment. Boners RAGING HARDCORE.

"Mmm. What does it feel like, big boy?" Annie moaned into the phone, and rubbed a nipple sexually. Is it cold in here?

Milk snatched the phone back. "Stop this, Annie. Thats my male prostitute to mouth-fuck." The robot said, and went back to the conversation with Adam.

Annie stomped off to bed sexually frustrated as Milk was gonna fuck someone else tonight and she wasnt gettin any of it. "So.. you comin over tonight, Adam?" Milk continued.

"Sure, I'd love to have robot dick in my mouth right about now. I'll be over in 15 minutes." Adam said, hanging up the phone to get dressed (although it was a futile decision to do this, the clothes were coming off one way or another) and make his way to the robots gay ass house.

15 minutes pass, and Milk was pacing hornily. Adam gayed this GAY. He gayed through the door, and homo'd onto his knees to start the vacuum mouth fucking action.

Milk moaned so hard and he nutted motor oil into Adam's mouth, then they both simultaneously heard a loud pop. Milk's dick came off into Adams mouth. This is what you fucking get for having a detachable penis.

Bubs looked at this gay ass shit and was like what the fuck. These people are so fucking gay. Except they weren't people, they were robots and aliens and theyI need to leave these gay ass fuckers immediately. How did bubs let this happen? Well fuck they're all gay. Bubs made a straight face and left to go pray.

"Hey, can I appear again?" Annie said as she tried to roll back into the story, but Milk was like "Hoe, go away you're too gay for this" and Annie was all like "AW SHIT" and phased through the wall to find other lesbians to lesbian with.

Adam continued, moaning "DADDY !~" to Milk and they both started giggling uncontrollably because nobody takes daddy doms seriously. Fucking nobody. Its hilarious.

SUDDENLY, ADAM STARTED CHOKING ON MILK'S DICK! He forgot that detachable penis was in mouth and now Adam is dead. Fuck

The funeral was held on a Saturday, closed casket draped in black lace, as with everyone else's face to show a time of mourning and grief. It was raining on that Saturday, and the mud was running down the hill and reminded everyone about how shitty a person Adam was. They proceeded to just set the casket down in the mud becuase Fcuk aAdmn ok thanks goodnight. Annie was crying so hard her cute girly mustache was also crying and it was fucked. Milk was thrown in jail for choking a guy w/ his dick. It wa smore fucked than two guys, 1 rock o a moon. did he not feel PAAAAAIN when he was HUUUUUURT!? bonerbonerbonerboner

i fail to see how the world can profit from a man's DICK


	2. Chapter 2: The Asian Culture Club

**The best friend fiction of All Time**

_by homos_

"Who wants to join the Asian Culture Club?" Darien asked, being a weeaboo.

"Fuck yea I wanna the club" Amari, the self decided Weaboo queen replied."

"Sounds gay. I'm in." Kaas threw in their two cents.

"Great! I got the sign up sheet right here!" Darien says as she throws it on the table. Amari grab the sheet and wrote her name in the worst japanese writing ever. Kaas signed it reluctantly, planning to join only to hang out with their weaboo friends and probably end up watching hentai in the club. "Okay so it starts in like 2 days so don't be late!" said Darien as she filed the papers "It's important!" I won't forget about the ani- I mean Asian culture club" Amari said while thinking about her very homo OTP.

Kaas shrugged and did a backflip out of the window. "Later."

**TWO DAYS LATER**

"Hey H2 hoes! You guys get in here already" said Darien because she loves making 50% off references.

"Hold-on already" Amari shouted with the toast hanging from her mouth. She totally forgot about the Weab- Asian culture club and was late. Kaas stepped through a magic portal of time because they're a robot and don't a shit about time or space.

"We have to make this quick. Let's introduce ourselves. I'm the super duper kawaii desu Dari-chan" said Darien.

"Ok! I'm the official badass sugoi Weaboo Queen, Amari-senpai!" Amari declared while flashing a totally awesome pose.

"Um. My name is Kaas-sama and I am the robot master." They said while flashing a collection of hentai they brought. Its an entire box. Most of it is yaoi.(of robots)

"You only brought robot hentai?" Darien asked unamused.

"I thinks it okay if it has tentacles in it" Amari said while her perverted thoughts rolled in. A good amount of it had tentacles, in fact. Mechanical tentacles. "Then It totally sugoi" Amari stated.

"Alright~ I brought some dakimakura if anyone felt sleepy" Darien said while laying on one of China from Hetalia. "it's comfy" "Who said anything about sleeping on it" Amari said showing a pervy smirk.

"Ah." Darien says while chuckling. Kaas put on their glasses and became the smart glasses character. Then they put in Karma Saiyuki for everyone to the so-not-cool teacher didn't want her club to full of homo weeaboos.

"Just what do you think you all are doing?!" screamed the so-not-cool flashs a totally Senpailicious pose and pointed at the teacher,"As weaboos it is our job to convert everyone into the sugoi life of fangirling!" Amari explained.

"That's unacceptable!" screamed the teacher. She was very disappoint.

Darien quickly changed into her sailor fuku and used her Madoka magic to turn the teacher so sugoi. Kaas laid around in the corner, napping on the dakimakura of France while the hentai played on the projector in the middle of the room. Amari pulled out a Poke-ball and Threw it toward the teacher, "Tentacle-kun, I choose you!" Amari Shoom.

"Haha! We are so awesome!" said Darien striking a sailor moon pose.

And then they all fucked. The End.


	3. Chapter 3: First Night At Freddy

**This is the worst job of All Time**

_by Oh God Please Help Us_

Our horrible story begins when one of us saw the ad in newspaper. We had been living together, hopping from one minimum wage job to the next, eating ramen and other cheap foods while paying for college. When we saw the offer, we jumped right at it. Big mistake. The ad had been for a local kid's pizza and game place, we had all known it, having gone as kids ourselves. Freddy Fazbears'.(?) Although now, as adults, we thought we might get to see the magic behind what we saw as children. We didn't know about the dangers because hey, it a kid's pizzeria. What could be so bad about that?

"Nice job on that last one, AJ. I didn't know threatening customers was allowed." Leviathan said sardonically.

"This is why we can never keep a job…" said Darren, eating the last of the cheetos. AJ pouted and glared at them,"Hey, it not my fault she was being a total bitch" AJ defend his action while pulling up his hood.

Leviathan grabbed the newspaper from outside their apartment that was left, opened it up to the work ads, and slammed it on the table in front of AJ. "Pick one," He said assertively.

"Hey guys look! Remember we used to play at this place here?" said Darren as he pointed to the advertisement. The ad was for a kid's pizzeria and have its famous mascot as the picture,Freddy Fazbear.

"How about looking at the payment more."

"The what?" Darren asked while being distracted by the pictures. "Ha! 150 a week!" AJ began to chuckle.

"Thats $4 an hour. Split between us, after bills and taxes, its $10 to each of us. But thats if we even last the week." Levi stared at AJ.

"AJ I swear if you screw anything up, I'm gonna find my way into your dreams and make you suffer…" Darren said darkly. "Relax it like you guys think I'm going to do something bad"AJ stated having an innocent face on.

"I mean it…"

**NIGHT 1, 12 AM**

"Can we go home now? I'm tired…" said Darren while sweeping the place."We've only been here for 5 minutes, dude," AJ said while playing with his phone. Levi sighed and occasionally stared at the cameras until the phone rang, making him jump.

"Well someone answer it. It's too far away for me" Darren said standing right next to the phone."Levi do it" AJ said.. Levi picked up the phone, hearing the male voice on the other end greet them all. He put it on speaker so they all could hear.

"Hello? Oh, Hello! Uh, I wanted to record a message for you to help you get settled in on your first night. Um, I actually worked in that office before you. I'm finishing up my last week now as a matter of fact..." The voice said, going on for a while before it of them pretty muched phased in and out of listening. They heard that the animatronics would be allowed to roam freely. "...So just be aware; the characters do tend to wander a bit. Uh, they're left in some kind of "free-roaming" mode at night, uhh, something about their servos locking up if they get turned off for too long..."

"So we're robots sitters?" AJ unsure about the thought of the animatronics moving around on their own. Then, another thing caught their attention to the message: "...Uhh, they used to be able to walk around during the day, too, but then there was "the Bite of '87." Yeah. It's amazing that the human body can live without the frontal lobe, you know?.."

That caught them off guard, looking around at each other skeptically.

"What the heck is he talking about?!" Darren shouted. The messaged continued.

"...the only real risk to you as a night watchman here, if any, is the fact that these characters, uh, if they happen to see you after hours, probably won't recognize you as a person...they'll probably try to uh... forcefully stuff you inside a Freddy Fazbear suit..."

"What's so bad about that?" AJ asked, and was quickly answered.

"Um, now that wouldn't be so bad if the suits themselves weren't filled with cross-beams, wiring, and animatronic devices, especially around the facial area, so you can imagine how having your head forcefully pressed inside one of those could cause a bit of... discomfort... and death..." Levi's eyes went wide, looking over to Darren. Darren shrugged and looked at AJ. AJ began to nervously laugh."What a funny joke he just made there." AJ commented.

"Yeah, a joke~" Darren laughed. "A joke.." Levi looked at the time, the power left, and then the cameras, scrolling through all the normal places. Bonnie and Chica weren't on the stage anymore. "Guys, two of them aren't where they're supposed to be" He gave notice. As if he readed Levi's mind, AJ was already at the door pushing the button. "Close Damnit!" AJ said ramming his finger on the button.

"Okay I'm scared. What's gonna happen to us? Are we gonna die? Hopefully it'll be AJ first." Darren said thinking out loud .

"Why do you hate me?!" AJ shouted.

"I hate everyone." Darren casually replied.

"Well fuck you too then" AJ stated crossing his arms. Darren smirked.

"Status report, Levi" AJ said looking for something he can use for an weapon.

"We're running out of power with the door closed like that. Bonnie is just around the corner, though." Levi reported reluctantly.

"What?! He is?!" Darren looked at the cameras. "Uh guys...aren't there two doors…"AJ asked.

"We are at 50% and its only 2 AM." Levi replied, "Conserve power, please. I don't want to find out what happens if we don't."

"Is Bonnie still there?"AJ asked shaking."Please say no"

"Uh I-I don't know…." Darren says while looking at the cameras. "He's still there."

AJ begins to search frantically for a weapon everywhere in the room until he finds a box.

"Thank God We're saved!"AJ said holding the small box.

"What's in it?" Darren asked softly.

"Well duh. A gun" AJ said opening up the box but when he opened it, he was disappointed. It was a water gun.

"Yep~ We're saved…" Darren rolled his eyes.

"We gonna die" AJ said while bursting out crying Levi checked the cameras again. "Yo, Freddy Fuckboy just left the stage. We're at 35% at 3 AM." AJ went to open the door but suddenly stop at it . "I think someone standing at the door" AJ told everyone.

"Nope nope nope nope" Darren then hides under the desk. Maybe if we send Levi out there, He can use his robot speak and the thing to go away"AJ suggested hoping that his friend's robot obsession will save them.

"I don't know about that...seems risky." Darren said.

"Come on, Levi's all the time robot master. He'll save us with those mad robo skills!"AJ said looking at Levi. Levi then began to curse out AJ in cybertronian, which ended up just sounding like 8bit scrambles and synthetic screeching.

"...What's he saying? It doesn't sound pleasant" asked Darren..

"Probably something bad about me, but he just totally proved my point" AJ said checking on the status.

Darren chuckled. "Then it settled! Don't worry Levi, if they try to attack you, I'll shoot them with water gun in the mouth! It's 5am already!" AJ explained to Levi while patting him on the back

"No he's probably gonna die." Darren said nonchalantly

While the three were still bickering about the plan, the power out, the doors slowly open and the cameras all shut off. Darren screamed like he saw his grandma begin to freak out while chanting "We gonna die, I'm too young to die".

Freddy showed at the left door, his eyes blinking and playing that horrifying song. Levi began screaming in cybertronian, praying to Primus it understands him. When they begin to think that it was all over, they heard a bell like sound. It was 6 am.

"Are we dead?" Darren asked with his face in his hands."No, we're alive! We made it through living hell!" AJ shouted, fist pumping the air, still crying from the event

"YES! FREEDOM! WE ARE QUITTING THIS JOB!" Darren shouted.

"I COULDN'T AGREE MORE" AJ added while hugging both of his friends.

"We don't get the $150 if we can't stay the whole week. What other jobs do you have in mind that will pay our bills, hm?" Levi reprimanded the two from quitting.

"Anything that doesn't involve us getting killed!" AJ shouted.

"Screw working! I need a hot bath." Darren yelled.

"Theres no hot water without money, dickhead." Levi hit Darren over the head, hoping it might knock some sense into him.

"I can live with being out in the streets than to ever do this again" AJ said .

"Then you can move out of the apartment tonight, AJ" Levi replied.

"You know what, this job does pay good" AJ responded.

**NIGHT 2, 12 AM**

_(to be continued)_

_(A.N. For a second night sequel, leave comments/reviews/etc letting us know. Otherwise this can just grow old and die.)_


End file.
